No Jokes

Dear Humorists:

Please, I asked for jokes, I got serious stuff. So there aren't any jokes in this issue of the mail. Not one, all the way to the end. Okay, maybe one. Doesn't anybody know any good DC jokes?

The mayor's excuse for his questionable contracts during the campaign is that he had to take the money “to put bread on the table,” and so far we've been willing to accept that. Wait a minute. His salary as Chief Financial Officer was $118,000 a year, and he made a comparably good salary at the Department of Agriculture. Meanwhile, his wife makes a good salary as Vice President of the local chapter of the Urban League. (And what would we have said about conflicts of interest if Effie or Cora Barry had worked for an agency that was supported primarily by DC government grants and contracts?) Diane Williams' salary hasn't been revealed, but I'm willing to guess that it's about $75,000 a year — if that's wrong, I'll be happy to learn the correct figure. Now, maybe I'm severely underestimating living standards in the District of Columbia, but if a family that has had an annual income of almost $200,000 a year finds that it can't put bread on the table if it has to scrape by for three or four months on only $75,000 a year, then I think that family needs to get counseling from someone who understands financial management better.

Now send in those jokes, and stop me from ranting.

Gary Imhoff
themail@dcwatch.com

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Whithering Income for Mayoral Rites
Anne Drissel, Mt. Pleasant, drisselab@aol.com

I was a member of the Anthony Williams Draft Campaign. Nonetheless, I too question the appropriateness of Mr. Williams accepting consulting contracts with NationsBank and Arthur Anderson while campaigning. These personal income contracts stand in sharp contrast to the scrupulously careful management of the Mr. Williams' campaign finances during the Mayoral campaign. It does raise a significant challenge we must face: how is a public employee (especially one who is drafted on short notice into a campaign) supposed to feed himself and his family while running for public office?

Now, just to keep the playing field level and lively, I propose the following challenge: will Jack Evans, Kevin Chavous, Harold Brazil, and Carol Schwartz please publish in detail all sources of personal and professional income during the period they campaigned for Mayor? Since it is obvious they could not devote full-time to their positions of employment, I'm curious about how their salaries, commissions, contracts, etc. were “adjusted” to their part-time status. I recognize that some of these folks work within a “practice” organization, so it will be difficult to attribute income directly to an individual — but then, perhaps their firms will be public-spirited enough to provide this clarification. We'd certainly be interested in determining whether any of our ex-candidates' clients do business directly or indirectly with the city. In any case, presumably our esteemed former-Mayoral-Candidate Council members will have detailed time logs so we can ascertain whether they provided proper attention to clients commensurate with the sums their clients paid for their services.

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Critters in the ’Hood
Ed T. Barron, edtb@aol.com

After successfully implementing my own “Rid-a-Rat” program almost two years ago we have been rat free for some time. We had to give up feeding the birds and pay a lot more attention to our dog's littering in the yard, but the results have paid off. Plenty of critters still abound in and around AU Park (even a raccoon early this morning on 47th and Alton Place) and strong efforts by the merchants of the Spring Valley Shopping Center will help in controlling the rat population. The City has announced plans to issue thirty to fifty thousand heavy duty trash cans throughout Wards 1, 2, and 6. Hey Guys!!! How about replacing the damaged and worn out Supercans that allow rats to invade trash receptacles that are only emptied once a week in Ward 3?

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Was I supposed to PAY something?
Michael K. Wilkinson, wilkinmk@hotmail.com

I went to get my two-month-overdue auto inspection yesterday. Checked the lights, checked the horn, operated the washer fluid, gave the keys to a technician to take it through emissions. Then I waited in the reception area for about five minutes with a couple other people. When my car was done, a technician came into the waiting room and called me by the name of my car. “SATURN? SATURN?” “That's me,” I said. Then I got into my car, with a new sticker on the windshield and drove off. I had a blank check in my pocket, ready to sign over the fee. But no one ever asked for a penny. Did I get away with something, or is auto inspection a no-charge affair these days?

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Thousands More Parking Spaces
Joe Davidson, jdavidson@interguru.com

I just was in San Francisco, a city whose parking problem is equal to if not greater than the DIstrict's. In SF the police do not ticket cars blocking driveways. The owner of the driveway has to call a tow truck if the driveway is blocked by an unknown car. The upshot is that owners, or their guests, can block their own driveway, giving rise to extra parking. Should DC try this?

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DC and Taxes
Joan Eisenstodt, jeisen@aol.com

The comments about DC v. Federal tax checks (refunds) is interesting. The Feds cashed my check (I pay taxes — you know, no refund, self-employed!) within a week. As of last week, DC had not yet. (Yes, they received it -- sent by registered mail.) I guess we do have a surplus!

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DC Tax Checks?
Annie McCormick, amccormick@itic.org

I filed my taxes in late February. I finally got a notice that said that something may or may not be wrong with my tax return, that I may or may not owe or may or may not be due a refund. No other information was noted on this form. Frustrated, I'm just waiting for them to tell me what they may or may not think is wrong.

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Good News and Bad News
Ed T. Barron, edtb@aol.com

The good news is that my Federal income tax refund was direct deposited in my checking account five days after I sent in my return on the 13th of April. The bad news is that the street light on the corner of Massachusetts Avenue and Fordham Road that I reported was burned out over two weeks ago has still not been replaced. The quick response to my first street light problem, which was fixed the next day, lulled me into thinking that things had turned around in the Department of Public Works. Perhaps not.

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Movie Theaters
Jon Desenberg, Adams-Morgan, jondes@hotmail.com

With sadness I watched the disappearance of the Embassy, West End, Key, Biograph, and others. That's why I've been happy to see the huge multiplexes proposed or under way for Gallery Place (18 screens), Silver Spring (18 screens), Columbia Heights (10 Screens), Lansburgh (8 screens), Mazza Gallerie (6 screens), etc. Not to be ungrateful, but can the city really support 50 new screens? Are so many people really that desperate to drop 8 bucks plus popcorn, for endless teenage comedies?

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Insurance Rates
Erica Nash, Enash@cais.com

[Re Stephanie Faul's posting about the difference in price between automobile insurance in Chevy Chase, DC, and Chevy Chase, MD] I left GEICO and joined ALLSTATE ! All I regret is not having done it sooner. I have a much better and much less expensive policy now.

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CLASSIFIEDS — EVENTS

Citizens’ Forum on D.C. Council Reform
Art Spitzer, ArtSpitzer@aol.com

Tuesday, June 8, 1999, 6-8 pm, University of the District of Columbia, Building 46, Auditorium, 4200 Connecticut Avenue, NW (Nearest Metro — Van Ness/UDC, Red Line), admission free. Reform of the Council of the District of Columbia developed as an important topic of concern in recent months. The DC Appleseed Center and the National Conference of State Legislatures released separate reports recommending major reforms to our local legislature earlier this year. The Council is now considering these and other recommendations. Join the town meeting to discuss several issues, including, what changes can be made to ensure that 1) the Council fosters more meaningful and inclusive public participation in legislative deliberations, 2) public hearings are well publicized, and begin and end on time, 3) the public is provided notice and opportunity for input prior to any vote on legislation, 4) legislative documents are more accessible and are written in clear and understandable language, and 5) the Council staffing structure is more efficient and effective.

Moderator, Bruce Johnson, WUSA (Channel 9); opening remarks, Linda Cropp, Chair, D.C. Council. Panelists, Mario Acosta-Velez, Latino Civil Rights Center; Dorothy Brizill, DCWatch; Mary Jane DeFrank, ACLU of the National Capital Area; Kwasi Holman, D.C. Chamber of Commerce (invited); Liz Siegel, DC Action for Children; Joslyn (Josh) Williams, Metropolitan Washington Council AFL-CIO. Sponsors, D.C. Council Chair Linda Cropp; ACLU of the National Capital Area; Committee of 100 on the Federal City; DC Action for Children; D.C. Affairs Section, District of Columbia Bar; DC Agenda; D.C. Consortium of Legal Services Providers; Downtown Cluster of Congregations; Fair Budget Coalition; Federation of Citizens' Associations; Friends of the Earth; Gay and Lesbian Activists' Alliance; Greater Washington Board of Trade; Latino Civil Rights Center; League of Women Voters of the District of Columbia; Metropolitan Washington Council AFL-CIO; University of the District of Columbia. For more information, contact the D.C. Affairs Section of the D.C. Bar at 626-3463.

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Tasting Society International May, June, & July 1999 Calendar of Events
Charlie Adler, cadler@dgsys.com

1) May 25th, “Australian Wines of the Outback: New Releases Wine Tasting,” 7-9 p.m., Radisson Barcelo Hotel, 2121 P St., NW, $40. Australia has been receiving well deserved attention for its wine making prowess. Aussie wines are a perfect match for summer foods cooked on the “Barbie,” lighter salads and vegetarian fare. We will taste over 8 top rated wines! 2) June 15th, “Wine Basics 101,” 7-9 p.m., Radisson Barcelo Hotel, $35. Our most popular tasting! Michael Franz, wine columnist for the Washington Post, will cover the basics: how to match wine and food, how to purchase and order wine, and what to look for in different grape varieties. You don't need to be an expert to enjoy great wine! 3) June 23rd, “Last Tango at the Embassy of Argentina: Wine, Dinner & Romance!” 7-10 p.m., Embassy of Argentina, 1600 New Hampshire Ave., NW, $55 in advance, tax and tip inclusive. Argentina is a country that sizzles! Join the Ambassador, His Excellency Diego Ramiro Guelar as we experience the carnal pleasures of this South American country. The Ambassador claims that not only is their beef an aphrodisiac, but so is their wine! We'll include a full buffet dinner with this wine tasting including imported Argentinean beef, empanadas and other delicacies (vegetarians are welcome!). There will be a wide selection of this country's fine wines served in an informal format. Last, but not least, a Tango demonstration and lesson will be included with a live band, so bring your dancing shoes. 4) June 30th, “French Wines For Summer with Michael Franz,” 7-9 p.m., Radisson Barcelo Hotel, $40. France produces such a wide variety of fantastic wines that it's very difficult for the consumer to choose quality producers. Join Michael Franz as he helps take the mystery out of French wines. We'll primarily taste wines that pair well with the lighter foods of summer. 5) July 22nd, “Wine 102: Tasting Like A Pro,” Thursday, 7-9 p.m., Radisson Barcelo Hotel, $35. You understand the wine basics, but you want to impress your friends, business associates, or other acquaintances with your wine knowledge (this is great for that next job interview!). Michael Franz will show you in under 2 hours how you can taste like the pros and impress anyone with your new found knowledge. 6) July 28th, “Mixology 101: How to Make Premium Cocktails,” 7-9 p.m., Radisson Barcelo Hotel, $35. Drink Better! Tired of the same old Rum and Coke? Well, our Bartender will demonstrate how to make each new specialty cocktail using the finest premium spirits available, and you get to taste each of them! We'll taste variations on old standards such as the Martini and Margarita, and a variety of Shooters. Light hors d’oeuvres included.

Reservations: RSVP at (202)333-5588 or email: wine@tastedc.com or the reservation form at our web page at https://labyrinth.dgsys.com/clients/tastedc.com/order.cgi

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Jaleo Around Town
Sven Abow, slomo@doubled.com

For those of you who are interested, I'm playing with Mike Wheaton's Latin/Jazz/Rock group Jaleo at Borders Books in Rockville at the White Flint Mall this Saturday, May 22nd, 7:30 til 9:30 PM. Next to some funky latin standards, Mike also performs his well written originals. On Thursday, May 27th, 8 - 10 PM, I'll play at State of the Union on U and 14th Streets, NW, with the Jazz/Hip Hop/Ambient group called Moya. We have some poetry in store for you plus plenty of groove.

Good news: My friends Riley McMahon (Guitar), Eric Leifert (Bass) and myself have recorded the latest Dead Girls album (they played last year's Lilllith Fair) and several songs have made it into the MP3 top ten. Check it out at: http://www.mp3.com/artists/11/dead_girls_and_other_stories.html

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CLASSIFIEDS — HOUSING AND TRANSPORTATION

Apartment for Rent
Louis Mitler, dion44@aol.com

Chevy Chase apartment. One bedroom apartment in bright basement in quiet house. Fully equipped kitchenette. Separate entrance, a/c, plentiful street parking. Two blocks from M4 bus. Laundry facilities. One person. No smoking. Pets negotiable. $650.00, utilities included. Please leave message: 202-362-3929 or email dion44@aol.com

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ISO reliable used Honda Civic
Corinne Rothblum, crothblum@icma.org

I am interested in buying a 1994-96 Honda Civic sedan. Specs: 4 door, manual transmission, a/c, am/fm cassette, excellent condition, less than 60,000 miles. DX model is fine; no extra bells and whistles needed. Want to pay under $8,000. Please contact Corinne Rothblum at (202) 237-7116 or via e-mail: crothblum@icma.org

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CLASSIFIEDS — FOR SALE

Piano for Sale
Alex Morin, amorin@msn.com

Large upright, in beautiful turn-of-the-century oak case. Entirely new action installed 1980, rarely played since. With humidifier and lovely bench, $1500. Call 202-686-9073.

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CLASSIFIEDS — HELP WANTED

Community Outreach Director, ACLU of the National Capital Area
Cynthia Harrison, harrison@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu

The American Civil Liberties Union of the National Capital Area (ACLU/NCA), a not-for-profit public interest organization, is the local ACLU affiliate for Washington, DC, and Montgomery and Prince George's Counties in Maryland. We invite applications for the full-time position of Community Outreach Director to work under the supervision of the Executive Director. For more information, or to get the job announcement faxed, call 202-457-0800.

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CLASSIFIEDS — JOB WANTED

Lunch Partner

Willing to do lunch. Will think about the lunch conversation beforehand. Salary requirement: $2,000 per month for six months. Contact Tony at mayor@dcgov.org

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