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July 9, 1996


Dear Neighbors:

Following is another satiric piece of work by that famous artist currently known as Anonymous. He/She/It discusses what really happened as the Olympic Torch made its way through our fine city. Apologies to those of you who may have already seen this.

3:15 Torch arrives at U.S. Capitol.
3:30 Torch leaves U.S. Capitol, carried by Bob Dole.
5:00 One block later, Bob Dole hands off torch.
5:15 Torch enters Northeast Washington.
5:16 First recorded case of "Torch-jacking" occurs.
6:00 After massive search, Torch is found in a local pawn shop and repurchased for $25.
6:15 Torch arrives at city hall. Crowd is dismayed when Marion Barry uses it to light his crack pipe.
6:20 Barry is further embarrassed when he is stopped trying to take the torch to the country for "spiritual renewal".
6:30 Torch heads into Northwest Washington.
6:35 Torch runner falls into D.C. pothole.
6:45 Torch is recovered (runner is never found).
6:55 Torch arrives at Dupont Circle. Residents are proud to have such a high profile "flame" in their area.
7:00 Torch runner attempts to hand off flame to NBA star Juwan Howard.
7:01 David Falk stops the transaction, demanding $9 million over two years for Howard's effort.
7:21 Torch arrives White House.
7:22 FBI files on Torch arrive White House.
7:23 Hillary fires Torch, citing "gross mismanagement and bad recordkeeping".
7:24 "Torchgate" hearings begin on Capitol Hill.
7:30 Torch leaves White House, heads across the Mall.
7:32 Torch runner is knocked unconscious by long pop-fly hit by "With Ourselves" star, John Mechem.
7:35 Torch is handed to Republican Presidential candidate, Pat Buchanan.
7:36 Series of mysterious fires at black churches begins along Torch route.
8:00 Torch heads for Virginia.
8:15 Crossing the 14th Street Bridge, Torch is accidentally dropped into Potomac -- entire surface of river immediately ignites.
8:45 After being recovered by ValuJet divers, Torch enters Virginia. Upon crossing state line, runner is immediately assessed personal property tax on torch.
8:47 Runner attempts to hand torch to Virginia Senator John Warner. Warner refuses, saying he cannot, in good conscience, support this torch.
9:00 Torch is retired for the evening. USOC vows never to set foot in the D.C. area again.

Submitted by Julie Lee

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Jeffrey Itell


Jesse Jackson

I recall the time when Jesse Jackson could have entered the race for DC Mayor. It would have given him a chance to campaign for an office he might have won, and given him a chance to lead in a difficult but potentially rewarding situation. Why didn't he take it?

E. James Lieberman, M.D.


Did Jesse Jackson advanced the cause of statehood?

Doesn't appear he did - in fact, I forgot he was our shadow senator .. so effective was he. Statehood for the District has to be waged in the states as well as in Congress. Seems we might be able to get some good grass-roots coalitions going to do so. But then I watched Jo Butler--chair, I think, of the DC Statehood Party for years--try and try and it seems a lost cause.

We *could*, said I, tongue planted firmly in cheek, blame the "liberal media" who talk about all the evils in Washington as if Washington were only the Hill and other government offices. Now...who might run for this seat of no recognition?

Joan Eisenstodt


Reverend Jackson did advance the cause of statehood early in his tenure as DC "shadow senator," but mostly by the fact he took the job. Six years ago he was still considered a credible presidential candidate and was mentioned as a possible candidate for a real seat in Congress or for DC mayor. So his support for statehood added to the movement's credibility and gave it national standing. But Reverend Jackson has always been a publicity hound, unable to focus on any one issue. The more important point is that the statehood movement peaked in 1993, when the Clintons "ended gridlock" and the door for statehood was seemingly wide open.

Tom Matthes


Let's first try the receivership idea out in New York, Orange County or other places that have run up a budget imbalance. One thing you can pretty well guess is that the citizens there would not react with Cropp & Hobson's bureacratic indifference to wiping out all vestiges of democracy.

By the way, even our current status is a violation of international law and human rights treaties. A DC in which the citizens enjoy the rights of those treaties and laws, as well as of the US Constitution, would only be considered a radical notion in a very sick society.

sam smith the progressive review


Derek McGinty

Sam Smiths's swipe at Derek McGinty is totally out of line. Derek is usually the first one to bring Mayor Barry back to earth when he starts his factless, retorical nonsense. Sounds like sour grapes from a combative guest to me.

Michael Stempel


Reciprocity Stickers

Does anyone have the lowdown on reciprocity stickers, as mentioned in Kathy Patterson's July 7 entry? Are they available to VA and MD commuters or just to out-of-staters, like the AU students she cites, who've moved to DC on a temporary basis? What about DC residents who need to park in a different zone? If the commuter options are not permitted under existing law, perhaps the law should be changed. Additional revenue could thus be raised without employing as many meter maids to write tickets. Employers in some areas might even help underwrite the cost of the stickers if it meant that their workers would not be running out to search for new parking spaces every two hours (as happens in my office in the Van Ness area).

Ralph Blessing



I'm not sure Barnes and Noble would want to put a store in Tenleytown when they are building a store only a couple of miles away in Bethesda.

Evan Roth


Best Places to Get High in Washington

I believe the highest ground in DC is at Ft. Lincoln in NE. It certainly is not Ft Reno. The lowest point is the Wilson building's top floor.

Carl Bergman


Father of Home Rule

Jeff has confused former school board member Julius Hobson, Jr. with his dad Julius, Sr. school board, and Statehood member of the Council. Julius Sr. died several years ago. Several persons could claim to be Home Rule's parent going back to the Federalist papers.

Carl Bergman

[I've met Julius Hobson, Jr. and appeared on TV with him. I know he's not the "Father" of home rule. I just experienced mental vapor lock. Plus I don't have four teams of editors and fact checkers looking over my shoulder to protect me from my follies. jeff]


Cable Television

I am curious if others have trouble with their cable reception. I am not talking about the usual Channel 4 and 5. (The excuse is that the Networks' antennae interfere with Cable reception.) Our one remaining Baltimore station has terrible reception, as well as several other cable stations. The Cable companies solution is for us to rent their little black box which can improve reception. I hope Kathy Patterson is successful in pushing competition for Cable. I am sick of the poor quality.

Leila Afzal



Are pot hole repairs going on in the city? I haven 't seen any crews in my neighborhood. Quite frankly I love my pot hole. It is 6' by 4'. It is just after a stop sign which most drivers ignore. So when they barrel down the street, run the sign, BAM they hit the pot hole. It makes a very nice booming sound. One neighbor says he tries to estimate the cost of the repair after each car hits the hole. It is a wonderful speed control device.

Leila Afzal


Parking Ticket

I am writing to respond to the guy who got a ticket for an (defective) expired meter. I do recall getting a ticket about three years ago for an expired meter. I had put money into the meter and it did not give me any time in return. As I was already late for a meeting (mainly due to 20 minutes of searching for parking in the Dupont area), I left my car there with the meter reading "expired." My experience in resolving this might be helpful to you.

I don't remember exactly whom I called upon finding my pink paper gift from the DC government, but I did get the ticket waived. The next morning, I called a department in the DC government (it might have been the Department of Public Works). Once I was connected to the correct office, I reported that the meter was broken and that I was "not guilty" as I had put money into it. The gentleman I spoke to on the phone said that it would be investigated (they write the meter numbers on the ticket). A couple of days later, I called back to find out the results. They did inspect the meter and did find it to be "malfunctioning." Again, they waived the ticket, but I really don't remember exactly whom I called. I will say that I found the process efficient and refreshing in that did not have to stand in line, wait on hold, write a letter or anything else terribly unpleasant for someone innocently accused. My advice would be to look in the blue pages for an office that sounds appropriate under the DPW.

Brian Reeves


Bad Hair Day

I'm in search of a good haircut - tired of the trial-and-error method of looking for a stylist with style, I'm turning to you, loyal dc.story readers for recommendations. I'm willing to pay more than $10 but would like to pay less than $50(!), and am particularly partial to people who know how to cut naturally curly hair. If your stylist of choice is close to Metro/has parking available, so much the better. Do you know someone who gives great haircut? Any particularly horrific haircut stories are also welcome.

Donna Ancypa


Internet Providers

This is in response to Alexis' question about internet providers.

Some of Jeff's audience may not agree, but I still like netcom. It's been around for awhile now (over a year is a long time in terms of internet access companies) and it does the basics pretty well. It's $19.95/month, billed monthly, for unlimited access. They have access numbers in Virgina and Maryland, which are local calls from the district, and browser and mail software comes with the service. I use it because it has 24-hour help, an idiotically simple bunch of icons for mail, world wide web and usenet news, and because it has local access numbers all over the country which is useful if you travel for work. In fact, a reporter put me on to it in the first place, because he and his friends used it when they had to file stories from out of town.

Downsides - the mail function doesn't do some things that other providers let you do (but I think you can use another mail program, and just use netcom for access) and you may find that sending and receiving text files requires use of a decoder program like mime or UUdecode. Not a big deal once you get used to them, but they can be a little intimidating at first. Also, I don't think it's supporting ISDN service yet, but it's going to have to to stay competitive. They're at (408) 983-5950.

Pat Hahn


I am writing to invite all the dc.story readers, lurkers, posters, and aficionados to the third in a series of programs that will address "The District of Columbia in Crisis: Where Do We Go From Here?" The series is sponsored by the D.C. Affairs Section of the District of Columbia Bar.

The program will be a brown bag lunch from noon to 2:00 p.m. on July 16, 1996 at the D.C. Bar Conference Center and will address "The Media's Coverage of the District of Columbia in Crisis." Speakers include Robert Kaiser, Managing Editor of the Washington Post, Tom Sherwood of WRC Channel 4 News, Mark Plotkin of WAMU Radio and Jonetta Rose Barras, Associate Editor of the City Paper.

The D.C. Bar Conference Center is located at 1250 H Street, just a few blocks from the Metro Center metro stop. The cost for the program is $5 for D.C. government employees, $10 for members of the D.C. Affairs Section of the D.C. Bar, and $15 for non-members and non-lawyers. Please feel free to e-mail me with any questions you may have at KMH@DC3.HHLAW.COM. To register, please call the D.C. Bar Sections Office at 202/ 626-3463.


The Washington International Church is sponsoring another Coffee House this Saturday, July 13 from 7:00 pm to 9:30 pm. Featured theme is "Island Paradise." Program includes music and entertainment from Pacific Islanders. Food includes kalua pig, lomi salmon and ice kona coffee. There is still no admission fee and the food is free. We do encourage a free-will donation. Come enjoy an evening of fun and relaxation. You may even win one of four door prizes to a famous restaurant in Georgetown.

The Washington International Church meets in the Fellowship Hall of the St. Luke's United Methodist Church located at the corner of Wisconsin Avenue and Calvert St., NW. Washington DC. For more information, please call (202) 298-6110.

David Wong


Due to vacations and other overscheduling, I have some great Orioles tickets for sle. There are four tickets on the third base line, upper box, season ticket holder section, for July 17 and September 6th. I also have two tickets for July 24th, lower box, toward left field. All tickets go for $14 each, and I'd rather not break up the fours, since it's almost impossible to get four tickets together, and I'd like some lucky foursome to share the good fortune of being able to sit together.

Just e-mail back to me, and we can make arrangeents for ticket and money transfer.

Margie Siegel


Home PC Computer Assistance. I'll help you chose and buy the best model for the lowest price, get your computer up and running, teach you the ins and outs of Windows 95 and applications, show you how to maintain your system, build special applications for you, and get you up and running on the internet. $60/hour. 202.244.4163.

Jeffrey Itell

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